An interview with Elliot Perlman in the Sydney Morning Herald‘s Good Weekend magazine contained a lovely thought about writing and inspiration. I haven’t read his books (yet!) but I like what he says here – it also connects with what I’ve been talking about with other writers lately about needing to switch off parts of your brain at various stages of the writing process:

Seldom are those moments when you feel as though there’s an antenna attached to your head that’s receiving direct communication from the sky. Most of the time you’re slogging away and trying to get rid of the voice in your head that’s saying, “That’s not very good”. Of course, you have to have inspiration sometimes, otherwise you’ve got no basis for telling a story. But once you’ve had that, it’s overwhelmingly perspiration and endeavour.

What is the process of inspiration like for you? Do you have to consciously switch off your internal ‘critical voice’?

I really, really love a gorgeous book cover. And I really, really love a book that looks good on the inside too. So today I want to blow the trumpet of one of Australia’s best book designers, Gayna Murphy.

There are some designers who really ‘get’ what a book is about. They take the time to read it and to absorb its texture and the feeling it evokes. Gayna is one of those designers. Little wonder she has raked in award after award for her work over the past few years.

The wheels are turning ever faster in publishing: companies and individuals are searching for shortcuts to churn out more books, more quickly than ever before. It’s beautiful to see people like Gayna continuing to show care and intelligence in their work, so that we all can continue to enjoy thoughtfully produced books – whether they are printed on paper or up on the screen.

GMC is Gayna’s design studio and they have a cracking new website. Check it out here. It’s so pretty!

Parenting with Soul is about (re)discovering your own inner life as a parent.

It’s about finding your purpose and direction again when you lose it at the bottom of the laundry basket. It’s about finding ways of living with soul – depth, richness and authenticity – in the midst of this messy, noisy, crazy parenting life.

Parenting with Soul won’t tell you what to believe, but it does show you how to make spirituality (God, the divine, the sacred, meaning – call it what you like) part of your family’s life. And it’s a quick read, because it’s for parents who don’t have a spare second in the day.

Parenting with Soul is available now from all good bookstores, including online retailers such as seekbooks, booktopia and Boomerang Books. For US readers, you can buy the ebook at Amazon and Borders.

Constant craving. If anything is going to distract you from the present and put a blight on your joy and energy, it’s constant craving.

It’s not just about things. Sometimes the things we crave most are not whitegoods and new cars. Sometimes what we want most is affection, respect, romance. And we feel that we can’t be truly happy until we have those things.

How much of your happiness depends on other people? Are you feeling ground down by your neighbour’s disapproval, under the pump because your husband doesn’t do his share of the housework, pushed into a corner because of a demanding boss?

When you are distracted or frustrated by what someone else does (or doesn’t do) or says, ask yourself this question: ‘Do I want to put [insert person’s name] in charge of my happiness today?’

From Parenting with Soul by Sally Collings (HarperCollins Australia, an April 2011 release)

How is it that we can be the most relentless and demanding bosses of ourselves, making sure no second goes unoccupied – and yet we can still be bored beyond belief?

It is not surprising that so many people are busy but bored! They have many things to do and are always running to get them done, but beneath the hectic activity they often wonder if anything is truly happening. A life that is not reflected upon eventually loses its meaning and becomes boring.

Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Dance of Life

Sound familiar? Some days I think I’ll go crazy if I see another basket full of washing, or get asked for another snack, or have to make another bed. Those are days when I am busy but oh, so bored.

Breaking down the ‘busy but bored’ pattern involves three essential techniques: knowing when to say no, realigning priorities, and weaving some reflection

into the ordinary events of a parenting life. Here are some starting points:

Beginnings and endings are important. When you get up in the morning and before you go to bed at night, speak out an affirmation of what you want this day to mean. Keep the wording of your affirmation simple, personal, positive (no don’ts or won’ts) and heartfelt. Here are some examples:

– Today I give my children the gift of my attention.

– Today I will live this day to the fullest in a way that is rich and meaningful to me.

God has set out this place for me to be right now.

– I will look for the positive things in this day.

– I will find the funny side of things in this day.

– My children are in God’s hands today.

From Parenting with Soul by Sally Collings (HarperCollins Australia, an April 2011 release)

My kids think the ‘s’ word is ‘shut up’. That’s fine by me: I want to keep them thinking that’s as bad as it gets for as long as possible.

For parents, however, the real dirty word is ‘should’. Ever find you’ve got lots of ‘shoulds’ in your head?

• ‘I should pay more attention to my appearance.’

• ‘I should be doing more baking.’

• ‘I should jump on a plane and run away to the Bahamas.’ (Actually, that is a whole other story.)

Mothers have a lot of pressure placed on them. Some of it comes from their mothers’ group, their tennis group, other mothers at work who seem to manage everything with ease or even their own mothers. In those cases, a feather’s weight of pressure can feel like a ten-tonne truck. Other pressure comes from magazines and TV shows, especially ‘shoulds’ of the looking-pretty kind. Not to mention all those parenting books telling you how to raise your children. (I’ve tried hard in my book not to add to the load.)

Today is a good time to rethink the dirty words in your vocabulary. These are some to target:

• should

• must

• supposed to.

Listen out for those dirty words. When you see one coming, try to switch it for a softer option: ‘might’, or, ‘it would be better if …’ See what a difference it makes.

‘I should enrol the boys in piano lessons.’

[becomes]

‘I might enrol the boys in piano lessons.’

‘Parents are supposed to do tuckshop duty.’

[becomes]

‘Parents can choose to do tuckshop duty.’

I feel better already.

From Parenting with Soul by Sally Collings (HarperCollins Australia, an April 2011 release)

Finding a moment’s quiet is a really precious thing.

Those moments when the kids are playing at a friend’s house, husband is at the gym, dog is fed, phone isn’t ringing. When they happen, though, what’s the first thing you do? Do you sit in your favourite chair and drink in the silence, really relishing the peace? Or do you think of just one job to be done, one phone call to be made?

We get so used to bustle, noise and movement that it gets hard to embrace the gaps. We feel as though something is wrong or missing. We’re hooked on chaos.

Wean yourself off action today. Rather than going cold turkey, take it gradually. Start by doing one thing at a time. Crazy, huh? If you’re sitting, just sit. If you’re drinking a cup of tea, just drink. If you’re watching the clouds in the sky, just watch. Just be.

From Parenting with Soul by Sally Collings (HarperCollins Australia, an April 2011 release)

‘Me time’ is parenting code for ‘the kids are driving me crazy; I’m going to have a major meltdown unless I get out of here now’.

That’s not a feeling that a coffee and cake deal at the local café is going to fix.

Rebecca is a fitness trainer. For her, exercise is the only way to get her groove back when she’s feeling drained. The kids know that mum has to go for a run in the afternoon. If that can’t happen for some reason, Bec gets on the boxing gloves and has a session with the punching bag downstairs.

Josie loves yoga. For her, 15 minutes in the bedroom with her yoga mat restores her tranquillity – and brings calm and peace to the whole house at the same time. If she can get a whole hour in, then it’s nirvana all round.

I’m about to lay out a concept that can be pretty hard to swallow.

• Is it possible to get that feeling of being calm, carefree and recharged by deliberately living in the present?

• Is it possible to see ‘family time’ as ‘me time’ at the same time?

• Is it possible to be nourished and energized simply by breathing more deeply, focusing your mind differently, opening your heart more widely?

I reckon it is. But don’t take my word for it – I wouldn’t. I’m a cynic and unlikely to believe something just because someone wrote it in a book. I reckon the only way to be sure is to try it yourself. In a way, that’s what this whole ‘parenting with soul’ thing is about: not escaping from our lives, but plunging in more deeply than ever before.

From Parenting with Soul by Sally Collings (HarperCollins Australia, an April 2011 release)

I approached the whole idea of writing a book about ‘parenting with soul’ with a very large bundle of trepidation.

There are plenty of books of advice for parents already. If we were to sit down and read them all, we’d have to pass our kids the can opener and the front door keys and tell them to look after themselves, because we would be too darn busy to help them out.

When I was reading Deepak Chopra’s book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success for Parents, I reached the page where he writes: ‘In a perfect world, parenting would come down to one sentence: “show only love, be only love”.’ And again, my mind ran away with me. Has this guy ever extracted a mint from a child’s nostril? What is this perfect world of which he speaks?

Of course, perfection isn’t like an ad for washing powder, with well-groomed children in white linen bounding through daffodils and flashing diamond-toothed smiles. Most often, perfection is simply what we have, with all of its flaws and messiness.

I like the idea of being ‘perfectly broken’. My flaws are part of me, they are meant to be. I need them so I can teach my children that it’s OK not to be superwoman (or superman).

From Parenting with Soul by Sally Collings (HarperCollins Australia, an April 2011 release)

Lisa Blainey-Lewin (meditation teacher, aromatherapist and artist) has read an early review copy of Parenting with Soul. She says:

I’ve just finished your book Parenting with Soul. Beautifully written, with a lyrical, relaxing feel – to me it’s like a ‘parenting panacea’. Perhaps your book should come with a label – ‘take three times a day’. Well done! Souls across the world are being soothed.

I’ve also recorded a video interview with Lisa – watch this space and my v-tour to see it soon.

Parenting with Soul will be in stores in April, and you can pre-order copies from seekbooks and booktopia.